


bathing with the usual creativity

by suitablyskippy



Category: Gintama
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Celebrity Monkey Lifestyle, Celebrity Samurai Lifestyle, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 16:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7851769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suitablyskippy/pseuds/suitablyskippy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No one likes to be washed this thoroughly,” Kyuubei tells him, by way of quiet apology, and sets a small wooden stool down beside his bowl. Jugem Jugem clambers obligingly out and takes a seat, and Kyuubei kneels behind him, sleeves rolled back, and uncaps the shampoo bottle. “But if the public should see a celebrity in a state of uncharacteristic dirtiness, it can lead to devastating consequences. Make sure you close your eyes, Jugem Jugem; you don’t want soap in them.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	bathing with the usual creativity

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'Kyuubei carefully shampooing a monkey', which Incandenza very kindly sent me after I told her I was inexplicably hung up on a single line in [my own fic](http://www.archiveofourown.org/works/7352206) that mentioned Kyuubei carefully shampooing a monkey. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN!!

A true warrior with a heart forged of steel must submit to no one. A true celebrity with a reputation forged of gold must submit to no one but their personal stylist. 

Jugem Jugem flicks his tail on learning this, and slaps a tiny pink hand vigorously against the heated water of his bathing bowl, and then dives backwards and bursts up again in a shower of spray, all of which Kyuubei takes for the evidence of solemn understanding it certainly is. Jugem Jugem is a monkey of preternatural intelligence, a samurai of preternatural honour, and a celebrity of preternatural dignity; rare is the occasion when he needs to hear a lesson twice. 

He bathes himself with his usual creativity, and Kyuubei sits to the side of the increasingly steamed-up washroom and affords him his usual privacy. By receiving the constant respect of his trainer, Jugem Jugem learns to expect the constant respect of all others; by experiencing nothing but respect from his trainer, Jugem Jugem learns to tolerate nothing but respect from others. Not all lessons are taught through words. Respect is a lesson best taught through example. 

At last the sounds of splashing begin to cease, and Jugem Jugem folds his very small arms on the brim of his bowl and rests his noble head. 

“Are you done?” asks Kyuubei. 

Jugem Jugem flicks his tail again, but without the vigour of before. 

“No one likes to be washed this thoroughly,” Kyuubei tells him, by way of quiet apology, and sets a small wooden stool down beside his bowl. Jugem Jugem clambers obligingly out and takes a seat, and Kyuubei kneels behind him, sleeves rolled back, and uncaps the shampoo bottle. “But if the public should see a celebrity in a state of uncharacteristic dirtiness, it can lead to devastating consequences. Make sure you close your eyes, Jugem Jugem; you don’t want soap in them.”

Jugem Jugem says nothing, because Jugem Jugem cannot speak, but even his silence is deeper, more thoughtful, and infinitely more eloquent than the voices of any number of humans. He swats a passing soap bubble into oblivion, his aim as sure as ever. 

“Celebrities represent the strength and stability of our society,” Kyuubei tells him, working soap around his big round ears with care. “If a celebrity whose fur has always had an admirable shine should arrive to a public event looking dusty, and less glossy than usual, then people will wonder why. And that uncertainty will lead to dismay, and distress, and discontent. And discontent among the general public can lead a nation into mutiny and chaos. Could you raise your arm?”

Jugem Jugem rubs his ear and does so. Then he scoops a handful of foam from his head and draws his arm back, preparing to throw. 

Kyuubei stops shampooing, and taps his shoulder. 

Jugem Jugem replaces the foam back onto his head. 

“Thank you,” says Kyuubei. “You’re doing well, Jugem Jugem. I’m proud of you.”

Jugem Jugem says nothing, because Jugem Jugem cannot speak, but he loses his sheepish slouch and sits up proudly straight again. Positive reinforcement is as essential for monkeys as for celebrities as for samurai, and therefore Jugem Jugem requires more than anyone. 

Kyuubei takes another dollop of shampoo and sets to work on his agile tail. “In times of uncertainty, the public looks to us for strength and guidance. Our guidance shouldn’t be about rolling in the dust all afternoon, even if rolling in the dust is what we love best of all. Do you understand, Jugem Jugem?”

Jugem Jugem gets up and scrambles around, gripping the edge of his stool with his strong clever feet, and presents one hind leg and then the other for both inspection and shampoo. 

“For the stability of our nation and the happiness of its citizens, it’s important for you to stay clean,” Kyuubei tells him, and pats him to sit back down. “Your balance is improving every day, Jugem Jugem. You truly are a worthy student of the Yagyuu style. Well done.” 

Jugem Jugem flicks his tail with such immense pride that soap splatters against the far wall. The mess was accidental, so he deserves no reproach for it, but nevertheless Kyuubei will see to it that he cleans it up himself. A samurai who can’t accept responsibility for his own actions is no samurai at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here on tumblr](http://www.suitablyskippy.tumblr.com/post/147197910274/kyuubei-carefully-shampooing-a-monkey-the-scene)!


End file.
